i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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