I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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