I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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