No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
