in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
