I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
