He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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