Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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