he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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