There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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