kristin has been a bad kristin
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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