Cold hands, warm shart.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
