So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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