I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
