If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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