His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think my vagina is haunted
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
