I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
