we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
