I just pynch a tree in the face
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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