hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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