I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize