I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
