There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
