so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
