I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
