was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
