hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
