I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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