Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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