I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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