Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
