i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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