just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
