Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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