okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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