i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
