Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
