The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
