You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
