The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You may now shotgun with the bride
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
