i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
