You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize