Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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