my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
