Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm like, not good at living.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
