i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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