I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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