I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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