I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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