Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
