Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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