I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
my poor anus
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
