i think my mom watched the whole time
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
