I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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