you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
