O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
