I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
