The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
