don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
