just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
where are my eyebrows?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
