im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
