Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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