It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
