I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
