just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My bed smells like the plague
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
