I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
