everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
