His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
