just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
