You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
