I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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