My first STD was from a foam party
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
