Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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