So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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