She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
