On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We smell like vodka and hangover
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