hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
