How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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