worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
