Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize