If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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