Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
