Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
