Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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