the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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