this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
