Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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