susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
