Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
