I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
