I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize