So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm like, not good at living.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
