there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
