the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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