Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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