today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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