I can't breathe out the right side of my face
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize