What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
