even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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