I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
