can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
