I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my being single is dangerous.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
