I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
