K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize