She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
