Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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